Dear Old Ms-Or-Biang-wear-white-pajamas-top-with-fugly-pink-skirt,

When something touched you from behind, it was my super expensive Calvin Klein bag which was bought in USA - it was not any of my appendeges. It is understandable if you look behind what touched you the first time round. It is not okay to turn behind, while waiting for MRT door to open, and shoot innocent people dirty looks several more times after the first look. What, is there a perv lurking behind you?

I did not have the intention to go near you. It was just that my uber expensive Calvin Klein sling bag was positioned in front of my crotch and that it was bulging cos of my uber expensive Nike 1 litre water bottle in it.

I do not deserve those dirty looks.

I don't know if it's my misfortune or yours, definitely mine I believe, but our fates decree that we meet a second time at the bus interchange! When the bus came, I quickly joined the queue for it, and I did not even realise you were DIRECTLY in front me in the queue until you turned and started the dirty looks again. Sorry auntie, even though I may be interested in SOME older women, I don't stalk them. You surely did not belong to that category.

As the queue was moving up the bus, you turned to watch me several times even when my bag was not touching any of your appendages - Heaven forbids. Auntie, I am seriously not interested in you.

In the bus, you rushed for a vacant seat and even though I really wanted to compete with you for the seat you wanted, I told myself why stoop to your level. I walked towards the rear of the bus and sat down, 2 seats behind you. AND THEN THE DIRTY LOOKS AGAIN.

For the third and final time, I'd rather do a cow than do you.

Truly,
Guy-in-white-GAP-tee